SEVEN HABITS OF PEOPLE WITH EXCELLENT INTERPERSONAL SKILLS
We all know people with great “people skills,” and sometimes wonder, “How do they do it?”
It’s simply a matter of knowing the basics of how to deal with other people, and then making a conscious effort to put those basics into practice. Here are seven habits of people whom others view as having great interpersonal skills.
1. They present their best selves to the public. Your moods change, but your customer -- external or internal -- doesn’t care. Make a conscious effort to be your most positive, enthusiastic, helpful self, especially when that’s not how you feel. If you need to vent, do it in private.
2. They answer phone calls promptly. Few things annoy people more than not having their phone calls returned. Get back to people within 2 hours. If you can’t, have your voice mail guide them to others who can help in your place. If you’re really uncomfortable with someone and don’t want to talk with them on the phone, answer their query through a fax or e-mail. Or, call when you know they won’t be there and leave the information on their voice mail.
3. They call people by their names and ask questions about their lives. Take the time to learn and use everyone’s name, especially secretaries. Most people don’t. You don’t have to glad-hand, but if you see a child’s picture on someone’s desk, they’d probably appreciate your asking, “How old is your daughter?” Establishing some common bond makes the other person more receptive to working with you.
4. They meet people halfway. Sometimes we’re right and the other person is wrong, but many techies I observe seem to enjoy going out of their way to rub it in the other person’s face. Implement the correct technical solution without making the other person feel stupid or ignorant, e.g., “That’s a good idea, but given the process variables, here’s another approach that would avoid contamination problems downstream....”
5. They listen carefully before speaking. A sure sign you are not listening to the other person is that you can’t wait to say what you want to say, and as soon as the other person pauses, you jump in and start talking. Even if you think you know the answer, listen to the other person. Their knowledge and grasp of the situation may surprise you. If not, listening shows you considered their opinion and didn’t just steamroll over them.
6. They keep eye contact. When you’re talking with someone, look them in the eye at points in the conversation. If you’re explaining something while typing on a keyboard, take your eyes away from the screen now and then to look and talk directly at the other person. After all, it’s a PC, not a car; you won’t crash if you take your eyes off the road.
7. They are not afraid to admit when they are wrong. Techies are afraid that nontechies will think they are incompetent if they admit to being wrong. The opposite is true. Andrew Lanyi, a stock market expert, explains, “The more you are willing to admit that you are not a guru, the more credibility you gain.” No one knows everything, and everybody knows people make mistakes. If you refuse to admit mistakes or pretend to know everything, people won’t trust you when you are right and do know the answer.
· Prefer positive to negative statements. Instead of “George didn’t finish coding the system,” say “George got 95% of the coding done.” Instead of saying something is bad, say it’s good but could be made even better. Instead of saying someone “failed” to do something, just say he didn’t do it.
· Don’t speak when you’re angry. Cool off. Don’t feel you have to answer a criticism or complaint on the spot. Instead, say “Let me give it some thought and get back to you ... is tomorrow morning good?” This prevents you from saying things you’ll regret later or making snap decisions.
· Don’t use value judgments to make colleagues feel bad about past mistakes. Avoid the implication that errors in judgment, which are temporary and one-time, are due to character and intelligence flaws. Don’t say “that was stupid”; instead say “We can’t ever let that happen again.” Focus on preventing future repetitions of the mistake rather than assigning blame.
· Be courteous, but don’t overdo humility. Be pleasant and personable, but not fawning. Treat other people with respect, and in return, insist they do the same with you. If a person is clearly technology phobic, don’t falsely flatter them with malarkey about how quickly they’re catching on ... unless they really are.
· Empathize before stating an opinion. Don’t seek out argument; argue only when necessary. And make the conversation collaborative rather than adversarial. Say “I understand” when the other person gives his or her opinion. “I understand” doesn’t mean you agree; it means you heard what they said and considered it in forming your own opinion, which you’re now going to present.
· Apologize completely. Apologies should be unconditional -- “I was wrong,” not “I know I did X but that’s because you did Y.” Don’t try to bring third parties or external factors into the equation. The bottom line is: It was your responsibility. Admit your mistakes and move on.
TO SUM IT ALL UP....
The good news is, even though you may indeed be a rocket scientist, developing your interpersonal skills isn’t rocket science. It’s easy. Follow these tips and your customers, colleagues, and management will say of you: “Not only technically sharp, but really easy to work with.” No compliment can ensure your success better
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